As the year comes to a close, I’m feeling led to reflect on it as a whole. I just posted on social media that I believe 2022 to have been the most difficult thus far and that scares the shit out of me! The boys and I like to break it down by month, discussing the highs and lows as reflected in my camera reel.
January - In order to discuss January, we have to start in December. Christmas was postponed due to severe illness in multiple family members that prevented us from gathering safely. Tucker and I missed Christmas festivities due to influenza which carried over into January. We were finally able to celebrate Christmas Jan. 17. December also brought a terminal diagnosis for Uncle Vance which set the tone for January and February. Some of the highlights from the month: Daisy was confirmed pregnant with a litter due in February, time was dedicated to visiting Uncle Vance, and Graham started travel basketball!
February - The month of love and we fell hard for a litter of puppies! It was so neat to experience it through the eyes of our boys and they took such good care of Daisy as she became a mama, even if she did deliver the first two pups on the couch…! As we were overwhelmed with their birth, we were also experiencing death. I skipped one of Graham’s last basketball games to sit with Uncle Vance, but made myself leave to go to his last. They won the game, their only win of the season. Uncle Vance won his eternal reward only hours later. One of the most difficult parts of that journey was witnessing my Dad tell his mom that her son had died and then attempting to celebrate her birthday 2 days later. There’s nothing quite like planning a funeral in the morning and driving straight to the nursing home for cake right after. Beauty amidst the broken.
March gave us a lot of time to love on our puppies! We stayed home for two weeks of spring break and really fell in love with each one. We also kicked off our cow show season, took a trip to the zoo, celebrated the expected arrival of our niece with a baby shower, went to a Pacers game, and spent the weekend with friends showing cattle. We were blessed to celebrate another birthday with Casey, the rock of our family.
April - things started to get really busy in April with cattle shows and the demands of work. Easter has always been a special holiday in our family. My parents live on my paternal great grandparent’s farm so that side of the family has been gathering there for Easter for many generations. This year, my Grandma, the last of her generation, was able to celebrate Easter with us. It was a beautiful day. The kids played outside and hunted eggs in the yard. April also brought us a new niece. She was born early and needed extra support so we are incredibly thankful for modern medicine be able to support her.
May - this month is such a whirlwind! Casey is working insane hours and the end of the school year is so demanding. We got to meet sweet Sutton and the boys fell in love with her more than I thought possible. They have cousins, but they were all born at the same time and experienced life in the same stages. They are old enough now to be able to soak in the sweetness of a new baby and she is so special to them. Tucker started a new adventure this year: hip hop dance. His first recital was in May and their performance was a crowd favorite. They danced to greased lightning and he really came alive on the stage. It was fun to watch him shine in something new. Graham was recognized at basketball camp for his hard work and determination. Tucker celebrated his 7th birthday with friends and family, graduating Kindergarten soon after. Graham really enjoyed third grade and his love for learning came alive with Ms. Trotter.
June - I don't even know if I can summarize this month. It feels like a whole lifetime happened in 30 days. Casey and I were both working incredible hours. While it was technically summer break, I still had to prep and attend state convention while working show heifers in the barn and being a mom. We started, what I hope to be our first summer of many regional and national Simmental shows. It was technically our second nationals, but first regional. Conveniently, regionals was in Indiana. It was very special to be able to take the boys and spend time with my parents. I grew up traveling to a regional and national each summer so it was full circle. Within 24 hours of returning home from the show, it was state convention time. Lots of fun and success was celebrated. While I was away, Graham mentioned that his knee was bothering him, but I didn't think too much of it. My Grandma Hege also began to decline. She broke her femur and was in immense pain, but undergoing surgery to repair it wasn't an option at the time. We knew the end was nearing so I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Graham became unable to bear weight on his leg by Saturday morning so we headed to the doctor only to be immediately referred to Riley Children's Hospital for treatment of an infection. I had planned to sit with Grandma to give my parents a break, but instead packed a couple of bags and headed to the hospital. We had many difficult conversations with doctors as they tried to diagnose him. Ultimately, his bone was healthy and we were able to treat the infection with IV and oral antibiotics. My annual officer (leadership) retreat was scheduled for the next day and I left even though things were continuing to fall apart at home. While there, Grandma finally won her eternal reward to Heaven. Facilitating a leadership retreat for teenagers while falling apart inside was something that only could have been done with the strength of Jesus. I wrote her obituary late one night and returned home to sort pictures and finalize details of her service. We were set to leave for Madison, WI the day before her funeral for the national show. We delayed our trip, leaving after the funeral to drive all night as we had to be there by 7 am the next day for check-in. What a whirlwind! Some highlights - we played in the pond, played baseball, and just survived. Graham had success at both shows, placing 3rd overall with his heifer at regionals and 17th overall in public speaking at nationals. That would have made Grandma so proud! While we were away, we had a dry wall crew in our house patching and repairing walls from an exterior project so we came home to a mess!
July - July felt like a breath of summer. We attended a family wedding, spent a lot of time in the barn, and celebrated Graham's 10th birthday. Honestly, it was like a fog recovering from all that was June. We stayed close to home and tried our best to enjoy summer. Graham attended his very first church camp with his Grandpa and cousin, a special and new experience for both. He was away from home for 5 days and 4 nights while his brother and I kept up the barn work. Our friends had their first baby followed by some really scary days. It was such a blessing to not be in school and be able to help them while soaking in some baby snuggles.
August - This month brought our first state fair in 4-H. Graham made the finals in showmanship and won his class with his heifer. It was so good to be with friends even if Graham had another knee infection. This time, we were proactive and started antibiotics as soon as we noticed it which kept us out of the hospital, thankfully! We remodeled our laundry room We started a new school year with Graham in 4th grade and Tucker in 1st. We did the tortilla challenge, haha!, spent lots of time outside, and kept up with the demands of adjusting to our new school schedule. Both boys started basketball and really enjoyed it.
September - Lots of exciting adventures happened in September. Graham competed in his first livestock skill-a-thon contest and made it to state with his team. Tucker was in a special wedding which was so much fun. We finally got a 4-wheeler, making the boys' dreams come true! Casey and I got to spend a few days in Cabo on a work trip. The last time the two of us went to the beach was our honeymoon in 2010. This was a great trip to rest and recharge for both of us and we were so thankful for that opportunity. We left the parents in charge of two intact dogs, one of them in heat, basketball practice, and school for the boys. We definitely couldn't have done it without them.
October - Cow shows, zoo trips, fall break, sourdough, national convention, and halloween. Both boys showed in Scottsburg, but the real win of the weekend was spending time with their biggest fan, Sutton. We loved the zoo with Mims, Sutton, and Aunt Courtney and got to see the kangaroos. I became a sourdough connoisseur, mastering the art of making a DANG good loaf of bread. I did not master making cookies or pancakes with the same sourdough, but I tried. National FFA Convention was a time of recharge and rejuvenation, professionally. This year, only one of the boys was excited about Halloween. It was a reminder that we are growing up. Ugh! Graham also started playing on a travel basketball team and really improving his skills as a player. He definitely loves the game.
November - Thankful was the theme, obviously. Thankful to take a personal day when I needed it, spend another birthday with Grandma Joyce, make it to another cattle show with success, see Tucker's toothless grin each day, and spend time with friends. We went to the IU/PU football game with friends and the boys really enjoyed it even if it was in Bloomington. Thankful for friendships that have stood the test of time and still continue effortlessly.
December - It felt like we would never get here while also feeling like an entire year passed in a blink. We kicked off the month with the Hoosier Beef Congress, a love/hate relationship for sure. It is so good to be with friends, but the weekend is STRESSFUL! Graham handled it all with maturity and grit. I am constantly amazed at his work ethic and his wisdom. Some days, he is raising me instead of the other way around. This year, we were able to celebrate Christmas at the right time, even if we were missing two important members of the family. Tucker performed at his first Holiday showcase and received hoops and hollers from the crowd, which is his measure for success. His coffee grinder got faster and more coordinated and he has so much fun performing. He also held the crown for the homecoming festivities. Graham (and Tucker) performed Morning Star, the traditional Moravian Hymn at both candlelight services Christmas Eve. A winter storm forced some rest and togetherness at Christmas. Graham joined another travel basketball team for the winter league and they both said they "hit the jackpot" this Christmas.
Each year, I find myself retreating more and more, desperate for peace in the mundane. I want deeper and more meaningful relationships. I'm content with the predictable while still enjoying a new adventure every now and then. We are hopeful for a 2023 where we can be a family team, confident in ourselves in individuals while being each other's #1 fans.
"And I ain't sayin' it ain't been a good oneIt's been a "did a lot more than I thought I could" oneIt's been 365 of record lows and record highsLoving and losing, fun and confusing, praying and shifting gearsFor the minute you got, it's probably a lot, more than you wanna hearSo all I'll say is, it's been a year"
Ashley Cooke - It's been a year
