Mom Time

I've posted previously about struggling with how to be a wife, mom, teacher, advisor, friend, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, granddaughter, and person all at the same time. In order to remain sane, it is necessary to spend some time just being Me. I have some go to activities that I like to do when I get a chance to just be me. I like to enjoy breakfast or lunch on my new patio in the quiet. I love to grab a Shaken Iced Black Tea from Starbucks and stroll through Target. I really enjoy getting my nails and toes done a couple times a month. I used to like to run (when I was in shape). I love to read. 

None of these things, in my opinion, are crazy unusual or high maintenance. Every thing on the list was done on the regular before I joined the mom ranks. Now, when I get the opportunity to do these things I INSTANTLY feel guilt, regret, and shame wash over me. How can I, a really busy lady, justify taking a couple hours at a nail salon when I could be coloring on the floor with one of my favorite people in the world? Do I even deserve this? What kind of mom am I to ditch my kid for an afternoon of shopping? I usually set a time limit in my head for a reasonable amount of "me time." If I go over that by 1 minute, I regret the entire experience. 

The internal struggle I feel is immense. I deserve this...but do I? There are women all over the place who are desperate to become a mom, but struggle with infertility or miscarriage. Moms who are desperate for one more minute with a little one that was taken too soon. So, friends and followers...how do you justify "me time" without feeling guilty? 

Happy 2nd Birthday, G!

I love nothing more than putting together a successful event where our family and friends can get together and enjoy one another's company. G man's birthday was no different. Being back "home" in the County I grew up in means that our little man will almost always celebrate his birthday during the 4-H fair. What's a little added stress, anyway ?

Graham loves Choo Choo's right now so we planned a Thomas the Train Birthday party. I wanted it to be centered around Thomas, but not Thomas overload. I think we had a good balance.

Cake by Heartsville Sweets

 I found a lot of inspiration from Pinterest, but came to the realization that I am NOT a full time party planner with an unlimited budget. By Saturday around noon, I was in complete bitch mode because I had placed entirely too much pressure on myself. I had a major reality check when I yelled at Graham for "ruining" one of HIS party decorations. Seriously, it was HIS birthday and I was freaking out. I took a deep breath (and drank a beer), told myself to RELAX, and focus more on having a happy toddler and less on a perfect birthday. While I love planning parties and making decorations, I am no where near a super human. So, next year...we're ordering pizza. (haha, like that will ever happen!)

To The Class of 2014

Dude, I haven't posted since April 14th...class of 2014, don't be like me. 

To the Class of 2014, wow...you made it! I mean, it has only taken you 12 years (13 if you went to mandatory kindergarten...for those that didn't, that explains a lot) It really is about time. You've had at least 13 teachers...probably more, but I never claimed to teach math, and multiply that by infinity <--yea, that many homework assignments. You've had friends, changed friends, switched boyfriends/girlfriends with your friends, and remained friends. Up until this point in your life, you've woken up, gone to school, gone to work, copied done homework, maybe played sports, and had a couple hours minutes of free time here and there. You have the world in the palm of your hands, you can do whatever you set your mind to, and you'll absolutely shit rainbows and sunshine for the rest of your days. 

I've told you before - life is about to get real. Really real. I understand that some of you have had some pretty tough times in the past 13 years. Most of you, have not. Please, hold on...because this ride is full of twists, turns, peaks, valleys, and 360 degree loop-ty loops that will knock you flat. 

No matter what the future holds for you, promise me the following. 

Please, do not drink yourselves dead. Really though - that shit will kill you. I know you are going to drink, get drunk, and wake up with a hangover that will leave you wishing you were dead. Always remember, alcohol can kill you (and allow a lot of other stupid/regrettable things to happen). Party with friends you trust, and if you don't trust them...have sober fun. Trust me. 

Drugs are ALWAYS a bad idea. Getting rufied is a real thing. Don't leave your drink unattended and don't let some random mix you a drink without keeping your eye on it. I am not stupid (and I am human), I know you are going to party. Please, party smart.

While we are on the topic of partying and stupidity, DON'T get arrested. Criminal records do not look good on background checks. 

Don't be that girl. Living in a dorm my freshman year in college, I knew a lot of "those girls". You know, the ones who like to flirt, lead guys on, and be the center of attention at a frat party. I promise you that someone is going to get the wrong idea and think you actually do want him to walk you home (in college speak, to your bed) and won't take "no" for an answer. Unless you have been working on a pretty tough upper cut - don't be that girl. 

Don't be that guy - you know, the douche bag one I mentioned above. It might seem far off, but no one wants to take a one night stand home to meet their mama. Think about that.

Go to class. Honestly, you your parents are paying an arm and a leg (maybe a testicle/ovary) for your college education. Skip every now and then, but go on the regular - even if you are hungover. There are trash cans in classrooms for a reason. It is amazing how the information sticks in your mind to make you answer the one question right you need to pass that mid-term exam. D, however does not equal bachelor's degree. 

Do party with your friends (bowling, ice cream, board games, flippy cup, beer pong - whatever your style). Dance in the middle of the dance floor (NOT on a pole) even if no one else will join you. Go places on the weekend...scrape up some pennies and do stuff.  Ask your parents for advice. Love yourself. Soak in every single second because it will fly by and rock your face off. 

Soon (but not too soon!) your Friday nights will consist of a much messier/chaotic dinner, perfectly timed around an 8:00 bed time routine. While I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, I will save those details for your 5 year reunion speech. 

PS - this was meant to be advice that no one else would tell you. That mushy crap, I believe all of that too - you've just heard it enough. 

Life's Purpose

Today I read a post on a friend's Facebook wall. As a fellow educator, someone had said some pretty hurtful things to her. It discouraged and disheartened me. It minimized what we do. You see, I'm just a teacher. I don't make much money. I'm just a teacher. My field is a "waste of time" and not a "good option" for graduating seniors. There's too much "Red Tape" in education. You mean, you're going to college to be a teacher?!?

Damn Right I am. I am so much more than "just" a teacher. I have a unique opportunity to see my "kids" in and outside of the classroom. I am an Agriculture teacher. It is my job to teach my students where their food comes from, to get their hands dirty, and to develop an understanding of both sides of the fence (producer and consumer). I am an FFA Advisor. I see these kids do things they never thought was possible, and do them well. I don't ever have to worry about fulfilling my contractual obligations because I'm there when the lights come on and well after the computer tells them that the school day is over. I'm so much more than "just a teacher". When kids come in my classroom, I ask them how they are and I genuinely mean it. I give them free days and work days and Fun Fridays because they need to learn those things too. But I'm not alone. I am surrounded by amazing educators every. single. day. We are just teachers, but we make a difference. Not every day, not with every kid, and not by 100% on every exam, but we do make a difference.

Tonight, I listened to 12 students participate in an interview. 8th, 9th, 10th, and 11th graders who were so nervous they were near tears as they answered questions about why the wanted to be an FFA Officer. Why they wanted to represent their chapter. They absolutely amazed me. I have never been more proud to "just be a teacher." Those 12 students reminded me exactly why I teach. It is who I am. It is who God created me to be and it is my purpose. When the day comes that I am no longer passionate about why I teach, I will consider other options.

Because even though I barely got to see my son for an hour today, it was all worth it. I can only hope that he is blessed with someone who chose to just teach when he goes to school. After all, that is exactly what he deserves.

#FatKidProblems

Alright, that title might be a bit harsh. I am talking about myself, however, so someone needs to be harsh. Winter is always a motivation killer. No one wants to get outside in the nasty Indiana weather. Comfort food is calling. Days are short and gloomy. And those Holidays. #blegh! I am fairly certain that everything I worked off last summer, found its' way back with a buddy. I'd like to say I'm pretty pissed about it, but I enjoyed it. That, my friends, is sick...and embarrassing. Why did I choose to announce it on the world wide web? Accountability, I guess. I seriously can't be trusted. I ran 2.2 miles and did Yoga tonight and you know what I am thinking about? Double Stuffed Oreos #fatkidproblems Oh and there's ice cream in the freezer. I literally locked myself in our room the other day so I wouldn't be tempted to have dessert after dinner. See ya on My Strange Addiction... Kidding, kind of. I've been telling myself for the last month that it is time to get my ass in gear. I'll start tomorrow. every day. 

I know I can do this, I've done it before. I have to do it again. I promised myself I would start my second pregnancy lighter than the first. So, before I board the pregnancy band wagon, it really is time to shed these pounds. 25 of them have to go. I felt great when I got married and I want to feel that again. It's time. Not tomorrow, TODAY. The days are long enough that I can run after I put G to bed. I have enough Visalus shake mix to accomplish this goal and feel great while I do it. 

Please hold me accountable. Even if it might be harsh. I want this. Today's the day. Will you join me? 

When "Thank You" isn't enough

I have amazing people in my life. People whom I will never be able to repay. People who leave me speechless at their willingness to drop everything and help (me) when they have a million other things to do. There are times when a simple "Thank You" isn't enough. Tonight is one of those times. 

To My husband - who should probably get some kind of a medal. These last few months have absolutely not been easy and you've been a trooper. I'm forever grateful that we are on this journey together. I love you so much more than words can explain. even when I'm being a brat.

First, my parents. I don't deserve them. My Dad has single-handedly been the general contractor on this house remodel from the beginning, while running a business. He gets up between 415 and 430 every single morning, goes to work, comes home for a change of clothes, and heads over to "the cabin" where you can find him until 8 or 9 pm every. single. night. Since September. No joke. And he's 52. How could I ever Thank him for that? My mom has kept it all going. She is practically managing two households, grocery shopping, planning meals, doing laundry, cleaning up, running errands, for a family of 5 instead of 2, and still offers to help me keep up with things at school. She. never. stops. If she isn't at her home, she is helping me make our home "perfect". Did I mention that she also watches G with his cousin one day a week and many more nights than she should have to. These are just things my mom and dad do for Casey and I. They are also constantly doing for my brothers' families, church families, and their siblings' families as well. And they never blink an eye. Ever. While I was on spring break this past week, my parents worked from sun up to sun down to help us move in to our house. Thank you is like a needle in a hay stack for what they deserve. Did I mention they have let us live with them for the last 9 months. And they genuinely love it. 

My brothers and their amazing wives. One of them lives 3 hours away, but they constantly text and call asking for pictures and to see the house the only way they are able. They are thoughtful and sincere and I love them dearly. The other, has been on vacation - and on their first day home, when they need to do their own catch-up, they give me their whole entire day. The whole thing. Without hesitation. They don't have to do these things for me, but they do. because they are awesome. This is just a glimpse of the things in which I should thank them for. 

Aunt Jackie and Uncle Bill - they've always been my second parents, which means they are always there for me by default. And it isn't like they haven't had enough things going on in their lives. They show up early, and stay late to help out. They bring food...and it isn't just any food, it is delicious. Always. They don't have to do any of this, but they do and a simple "thank you" just won't cut it for them. 

My cousins. One has been in ICU - the intensive. care. unit. she still checks in to see how things are going. And she has a toddler. Yea, she's awesome. The other - just had a new baby girl...their first baby girl. This sweet baby's mama came over this week to help. Did I mention she just had a baby - like 2 weeks ago? She strapped that baby on like a champ and got right to work - with her mom, because her mom is awesome too. And then, she let her husband out of the house for practically the entire day on a saturday - one of the 2 days he gets to spend with his new, fresh, sweet baby girl. He gave it to me - to help us out. "Thank you" will never be enough for them (or his in-laws, who came just because. they are so awesome!).

My grandparents - who come just to see the new house, marvel at it's beauty, and make vegetable soup. And then offer to help any way they can. I'm 27 so the g-parents are getting up there...(sorry if you are reading this!) but they have no business helping us move. The fact that they even offer to help is enough to be grateful for. Their giving hearts are something I wish to inherit. And pass on. 

I know I am forgetting people. My Aunt Cindy left her husband's birthday lunch to spend an afternoon washing boxed up dishes at our house. Thank you! My Uncle Vance, comes by almost daily - just to stop by and brings popcorn. Thank You! Please don't be offended if I forgot someone, I'm running on little sleep, but THANK YOU!

I want to shout it from the rooftops - Thank YOU! I owe you and I promise to pay it back or forward - for as long as it takes. I aspire to be like you. 

sorry for this jumbled mess. My graciousness has me blubbering like an idiot. 

Who's to blame?

Prepare yourself for my opinion: this is my blog after all. 

Last week, I had a conversation with a very nice man. We covered quite a few topics, but there's one that struck me and has resonated with me since. He said when he was in 8th grade, very few students in a rather large class weighed over 200 lbs, had asthma, allergies, or other chronic health problems plaguing our youth today. He then proceeded to tell me to look at my 8th graders and see if I could say the same.  Without giving me time to disagree, he said there could only be one common denominator....how we grow, prepare, and consume food. 

WAIT. JUST. ONE. MINUTE. Am I in a chipotle ad? When you walked through the Ag shop, did you fail to realize I was an Ag teacher? Are we really blaming the obesity epidemic on food? I can guarantee you that the sleeve of Girl Scout cookies I just ate are not responsible for my expanding waist line. My hand, controlled by my brain, placing each and every single delicious thin mint in to my mouth is responsible. 

Not the GMOs that help us feed the ever growing population, or even the antibiotics that keep my animals healthy. I know it isn't the use of naturally produced hormones that has helped us reach a much more efficient rate of production or even the pesticides, dye colors, and preservatives. I can blame absolutely no one single person or thing except for myself. 

Have we ever considered that "kids these days" are lazy because we have spent generations working our asses off to make their lives easier? It takes less farmers to feed us which allows for more families to have the privilege to get off the school bus and lay on the couch watching tv for hours until dinner is ready. The dinner that practically jumped off the grocery shelf in to your high tech cart with holes for your overpriced latte. We have developed technology to make our lives easier and information readily available. It isn't necessary to physically get off the couch to turn the channel on the tv or walk the aisles in the library searching for the information necessary to complete our homework assignments. 

So many of our ancestors worked for us to get to this point of complacency. Now...If it isn't easy, they don't want it. I just want to quit blaming everyone else and start taking the blame ourselves. It's not my fault as a teacher for students that are failing. It isn't the pencils fault for misspelling words. A gun doesn't kill people. Food is NOT making people fat. You are making yourself fat. Now, get off your ass and do something about it. 

Ill be cheering from the couch. Kidding,