For my Sweet Son

As I put you to bed tonight and we said our prayers, I had an overwhelming outpouring of love. It's been a really ordinary day and it was a really ordinary night, but I just can't get over how amazing you are right now. I want to bottle it up and drink it in when you are 16. Instead, I'm going to write it all down so I have proof - and something to cry over while I'm drinking wine and waiting for you to come home on a Friday night. 

Right now, you have the BIGGEST heart and the most amazing sense of humor. Your imagination is just beginning to develop and you LOVE to tell me stories. You aren't much of a morning person, but you are incredibly consistent. When you get woken up (Daddy does this), you run in to our room with your blanket, sleepy eyes, and crazy hair! It only takes you about 2 minutes awake to insist that you need to put on your jeans, shoes (mostly boots), and your Colts baseball cap. When we get in the car, you like to pick our radio station depending on what is playing. Prior to taking you to Kim's, you always say...mommy, is that where you teach the children? Last week I was in a rush when I dropped you off and I forgot to give you a hug. I was only at school for about 5 minutes when I received a video from Ms. Kim (the best child care provider in the world!) of you telling me you loved me and to have a good day.

Because I spend so much time at school, you get to go with me a lot. You know the FFA kids by name and have conned them in to paying you for a high five. You tell them when to "knock it off" and even call them hillbillies every now and then. 

You love your Daddy so much right now and want to be JUST like him. You refuse to wear underwear and insist on boxers. I could throw all of your sweat pants away because you won't even consider wearing them. When Daddy wears a belt, you wear a belt. You even asked for a wallet to "put on my back side" just like Dad. The wallet has been a pretty big hit because it is the cutest thing in the world. While you love your Daddy, you love your Mommy just as much. Mommy has to give you a bath. Only Mommy is allowed to read books and do our bed time routine. Right now we lay down, sing Jesus Loves Me, and then say our prayers. They sound something like this. 

Dear Jesus, Thank you for today. Thank you for going to Ms. Kims/Grammys and playing toys with my friends/Brody. Mommy, did you comb my hair? Thank you for the new baby calves. Watch over all my family. Mommy, Where's my family? Please help me sleep good tonight. In Jesus Name, Amen. 

After prayers, you need to give us a Hug, a Kiss (mommy gets a nose kiss too), and a high five. I have absolutely no idea where you came up with that combination, but I hope it lasts forever. 

As we get ready for you to become a big brother, we talk to you about how things will be different with the baby (which you have kindly named Brother Princess to cover all of the bases) . You're prepared to share your crib with the baby especially since you got a new big bed and the changing table since you don't wear diapers anymore. You've recently decided that it will be ok for your baby to share your bathroom, but only to take baths. The baby can't have any of your tractors or your toothbrush. Today, instead of just giving me a hug when I picked you up, you kissed my belly first. I hope you always love your little brother or sister that much. 

For as much love as you have, you are also hilarious. You ask kids your age, Hey What's your problem (totally out of context). You really love to let everyone, even the dogs know when something is yours. Muffins are your favorite breakfast food and lemonade is your preferred beverage. Monsters University is your absolute favorite movie and you really like it to be playing any time we are home. Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood is another favorite that you can watch on our phones. We can't possibly have enough tractors, trucks, cows, or hay bales in our house. You have to check all of your "animals" when we get home. You are super dramatic and love to tell on Daddy. Any time you get in trouble with Daddy you run to Mommy  and usually say, Daddy's being mean to me! You're becoming quite the negotiator and ask to play for 3 minutes before it's bath time. Tonight you told me that you were staying at Grammy's house FOREVER.  You are a very active, fun, energetic, smart, hilarious, loving kid. 

I love you forever. I like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be. 

Legend of a Legacy

The Legacy, Elsie Hege

Working the dough, like she's been doing it forever.

I may have previously coined that title for a Christmas present, but it couldn't be more fitting as a blog title. You might have seen an Instagram/Facebook photo last week promising a blog update "very soon"....well, "very soon" is finally here. Last week, we had a snow make-up day that we actually got to take advantage of. I have been asking my Grandma Hege to teach me how to make her famous (i'm not exaggerating here) egg noodles for a couple of years. We always talked about doing it in the summer and just never got around to it. I am so grateful that we finally made it happen! In order to truly convey how wonderful this was, let me give you a little bit of history

Mom getting schooled on the art of noodle rolling!

My Grandma Hege has always been invincible. She has worked harder than most people her age for her entire life. She married at 18, had 3 babies, sent a son off to war, lost her husband at 40, ran the town license branch, then worked at the county court house in voter registration until she "retired" a few years ago. She will celebrate her 85th birthday next month and just recently had a few health set backs. This fall, she passed out at Walgreens. Somehow, she convinced the staff to let her call her (older!) sister to come pick her up instead of the ambulance. After heading to a heart doctor, she was instructed to wear a heart monitor for 30 days to track her heart activity and told to push the button when she felt symptoms of passing out. During this time, she was not allowed to drive or stay alone so she stayed with her 92 year old sister. She never pushed the button so her doctor didn't find anything "wrong". She is still not allowed to drive and not supposed to stay alone. You try telling a woman who has been living alone for 45 years that she can't stay at her house. We compromised by making her promise she would wear a life alert necklace, but she still can't drive. This has really taken the life out of the Grandma that I have always known to be invincible. She doesn't think she can do anything anymore without the fear of having another "episode". 

When we made noodles last Monday, I saw her come alive. She would say "I'm not sure if I remember how to do this" and then her body would take over and it became mindless. She KNEW what she was doing and I caught a glimpse of my invincible Grandma. We had planned to get started making noodles after Graham went down for a nap, but he really didn't want to miss out on the action. It was beautiful to watch her interact with him and include him in the process. He even surprised us by showing that he could indeed crack an egg, straight on to the table. 

Giving him his own dough to work

I can't quite put in to words what it meant to me to get the chance to make noodles with my Grandma and my mom. She told me she used to wake up at 3:30 am to get a batch of noodles started before she went to work so they would be dried and ready to bag that night. She sold them for $3/bag and always gave more than she sold. I can remember her house being covered in flour while the noodles dried for most of my visits. She's always been such a hard worker. 

Finished Product!

When I called her to tell her that we had gotten 5 bags of noodles out of what we made that day, she was so pleased. I told her I had thought about whipping up a batch this week so I could increase my stash and start to give some to family, but I didn't have enough time. She said, "I think it would work good if I mixed the noodles and you rolled them." Two months ago, she would have told me that she just couldn't do it any more. Now, she wants to help and knows she can. I saw her come alive and I can't wait to do it again. 

Its More Than a Job

I knew I wanted to be a teacher in middle school. At that time I had a really awesome English teacher, Mrs. Lumbley, who made middle school bearable and English fun. I loved her class and wanted to be "just like her" when I became a teacher some day. High School english came along and...woah, people actually enjoyed literature, poems, adverbs, hyperboles, and all kinds of other things I still don't understand?!? I couldn't teach English...it was painful! However, I had a really awesome high school Ag teacher. Her profession combined all of my loves, my passions. She understood and supported my passion for the show cattle industry. No other teacher had ever encouraged me to miss school when given the opportunity to exhibit at national shows, but Ms. Nolting just wanted to hear all about it when I returned. As a high school junior, I lost one of my friends to cancer. It sucked...big time. Ms. Nolting grieved with us, supported us, and became the rock we needed as a whole group. She was more than just our Ag teacher, she was our advisor, mentor, and leader. She still is. 

I started my freshman year at Purdue with no doubt in my mind about teaching, but that didn't last forever. After student teaching I just wasn't sure that "teaching was for me". I couldn't find a teaching job right away and was given the opportunity to work for a hog farm in eastern Indiana. That experience taught me so many valuable lessons. However, the most valuable lesson was that I missed the classroom. 

I've recently read multiple articles about how terrible teaching is right now. How K-12 teachers "can't leave the profession fast enough." I've spent my fair share of lunch in the teacher's lounge complaining about the long hours, the endless paperwork, the thankless job, and the minimal pay. Don't get me wrong...I complain too, but today...Today I am thankful that I was called to this profession and I want to tell you that there are still teachers who love their job. I am one of those. Today, I love my job. 

I'm not here to toot my own horn, because I am so far from perfect it is comical. I'll never be "highly effective" and quite frankly, I don't care to be. I show up to work every single day and do the best that I can do that day. My lessons are not always super engaging, my students complain that "it sucks", and I'm not currently in the running for any awards. However, I received a text message yesterday that reminded me just why I love my job. 

It read: "Hey! Sorry it's so late. I've been meaning to text you all day and just got to it. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I hope today was filled with joy. Thank you for being such a great role model, listener, and just all around great person. I miss not being able to have you in class but the year I did have you I will never forget. So thank you for everything and always giving the best advice. You believe in your students when we don't even believe in ourselves and sometimes that means so much. Happy New Year!(:"

This message was among many. I was reminded yesterday, on my birthday, how truly blessed I am. The irony of this message is that it came from one of my former students. I previously taught at a different high school and NEVER felt like I was making a difference. I'm not sharing it with you because I want to brag on myself. I am sharing it with you because when I doubted myself and my abilities, I was giving this student exactly what she needed. Support. Teaching is hard. It is thankless. It requires so much more of my time than my previous office job. I still make pennies compared to some. But, my heart is full and I love my job. 

I hope this stands out as a reminder that, while education has some serious issues, there are still many teachers that love their job. I am so thankful I was called to this profession. 

Where do you find joy in your life?

Jolly Holly Days

Woah...I woke up this morning feeling like I got ran over by a reindeer. We've been non stop celebrating Christmas since the start of Christmas Eve church service at 6 pm on Dec. 24. It's been so much fun celebrating with a very vocal 2 yr old who can turn squeals of excitement in to words about just how much he loves his new blue tractor, combine, shimmer cow, or shopping cart. I have loved every second of this non stop celebration. Until today. 

Today is Sunday which means its church day. Ugh, I didn't want to get up and do anything! I didn't want to shower, get dressed, OR go to church. I was tired of being jolly, tired of celebrating, tired of going, tired of doing. Bah Humbug. But today wasn't just any Sunday. Today was a special Sunday where we would be worshiping at a different church for a different occasion. Today wasn't about me or my pajamas, today was about Katie and Josh. Today was bittersweet. Today was hard. Today was important.

I don't typically talk about my family (directly) on this blog. After all, they deserve privacy, but I don't think Katie nor Josh would mind me sharing a little bit of their story. Katie is my "little" cousin. We grew up in the country as each other's only neighbors. Our moms are sisters and had 5 kids in 5 years. Katie and I were the only girls. We grew up doing pretty much everything together while still remaining individuals. We spent a lot of time together. 

Katie met Josh in high school. They've been together ever since. It hasn't always been easy, but they've always remained by each other's sides. After graduating college, they got married in 2011. Josh began pastoring at Waynesburg Christian Church, where he grew up. We were pregnant at the same time and our boys were born exactly one month apart. The last year has been an incredibly difficult one for Katie and Josh. Very quickly after finding out Katie was pregnant with their second child, she got a kidney stone. This is not abnormal for Kate because she gets kidney stones like the average person gets headaches. However, Katie wasn't able to pass this kidney stone and her pregnancy further complicated treatment. A nephrostomy tube was placed in Kate's back to drain her kidney. All was great, until it got infected. Katie got sepsis - an infection in the blood stream and landed in the ICU. I know its impossible to understand through words, but we were VERY close to losing her. Miraculously, she never lost her baby. Katie continued to battle kidney stones throughout her pregnancy, she continued to get infections, she continued to be sick. She also had a toddler and prayerfully began a new journey with Josh, church planting. A very health baby boy was born in October and we all hoped that Katie's kidney problems would end with her pregnancy. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. She has continued to be sick and struggle with infection and pain since October. Throughout all of her medical journey, they have pursued church planting and will be leaving to do a church planting residency next week. They'll move to another state for 18 months and learn how to be church planters. 

This has been an amazing journey for them. They've had to raise 18 months salary and recently had a 30K in 30 days campaign. I'm anxiously awaiting the results of that, but I am just sure they made it. You can learn more about their journey here and how you can be a part of it. I strongly encourage you to keep up with what they are doing. Great things are in store for them. 

Katie has always been an inspiration to me. She is a woman of intense faith, an amazing wife, mom, and friend. She is selfless. She doesn't complain. She is amazing. Josh is a lucky man to have her as his wife. I'm going to miss her tremendously. 

Today was about celebrating them, sending them off, and wishing them well. Today was bittersweet. Today was hard, but today was important. 

Matthew 28:19-20(ESV)

19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Weeks 19 and 20

12/19/14

How far along?  19 Weeks

Total weight gain: 0 – thanks to the stomach virus
Maternity clothes? Can still wear some regular tops, but none of my jeans button

Sleep: When my toddler allows it
Best moment this week: Movement

Miss Anything? A Life without restriction. Carrying things, going places, doing things without being treated like I’m incapable.

Movement: Flutters, Kickboxing

Food cravings: All things salty

Anything making you queasy or sick: Sweets - weird

Gender: Surprise!
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: None pregnancy related, stomach virus = hell

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy except for the 8 straight hours I threw up every 15 minutes. I’ll spare you the gory details, but…yuck!

Looking forward to: Everything!

Graham Moment this week: He says so many funny things. He told his Mims this week, “I have a baby in my belly and it’s a wonderful experience.” Where in the world does he come up with these things?

The look of "awe" in his eyes!

Halfway there!

12/26/14

How far along?  20 Weeks

Total weight gain: Back to 0…again, thanks to the stomach virus…I’ve developed quite the bump. See picture
Maternity clothes? I love having an excuse to wear stretchy clothes all the time!

Sleep: When my toddler allows it, I’m not sure why or how he wakes so frequently, but it would be awesome if he slept like a toddler instead of an infant!
Best moment this week: Christmas! It was the most wonderful Christmas we have had yet. We finally got the opportunity to wake up in our own home on Christmas morning. Graham was able to verbalize his excitement which makes Christmas so much more enjoyable. I can’t wait to share it with you next year!

Miss Anything? No, my life is pretty normal

Movement: Flutters, Kickboxing, Fist Pumping

Food cravings: My appetite has decreased significantly from that dreaded stomach virus. I’m eating half of what I was before.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Sweets. What a time of the year to not want or enjoy sweets. Bummer!

Gender: Surprise!
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: None

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Who could be anything but overjoyed at Christmas time with a 2 yr old?!?

Looking forward to: Daddy and Graham feeling you move!

Graham’s Best Moment This Week: Christmas. Have I mentioned how much he loves his blue tractor??

Transparent

I'm just as guilty as the next girl. I want my life to look perfect to the outside world. It's actually pretty desperate and sad. I post all of the good stuff, take pictures when everyone looks cute, and talk about how awesome everything is. When in reality, sometimes that is as far from the truth as possible. I know I still have it pretty great, and I'm not about to air my dirty laundry online, BUT I am real and I have real struggles. I know you have real struggles too. I'm just about as far from perfect as possible.

I spend entirely too much time at work. Sometimes it is unavoidable, but I need to practice saying no. My family deserves to have a wife and mom who makes them a priority. Most would say that's easy...just do it. However, most are not teachers, Ag teachers who have almost 100 FFA members who depend on them for more than the average school day allows. And wait, you want me to grade papers from 155 students, teach class, update technology, coach CDE teams, plan meetings, fundraisers, and events. Yea - say no to all of that. It is so hard!

I spend too much time on trivial things. I desperately WANT to be crafty, cute, and have a perfect home that is clean all of the time. I still need to hang curtains, decorate, install hardware on all of my cabinets, and refinish some furniture. I spend about 5 minutes on Pinterest and have a list a mile long of things I need to do. I hope my husband is ok with my saying that I plan on staying here for a VERY long time. We have been blessed with a BEAUTIFUL home and perfection takes time. I need to give myself a break. I also need to QUIT COMPARING myself to other people.

I don't spend near enough time just being a wife. I was a wife first. Before there were three (almost 4), it was just us. Long before I am ever ready, it will just be us again. I need to be a wife, first. I need to be a wife before ANYTHING else. I need reminded of this daily. I have a husband who has needs. I need to put those first. I struggle with this daily.

I find myself being consumed by what others think sometimes. I could spend an entire conversation wondering if I am asking enough questions or talking too much about myself. I never want to seem self-absorbed or disinterested. I actually have a mental tally in my head about how much time I am spending talking compared to listening. I worry about how I am perceived. I carelessly and freely have conversations where I will say...so and so, yea they are great. so sweet, etc...While I wish I could over hear someone's conversation about me. What would they say? I can only hope that it would be positive. I always operate with the best intentions at heart. I hope that is always how they are perceived.

I'm only human. I'm a constant work in progress. Yet among all of these insecurities, I am confident. I am happy. I am blessed beyond belief. Each night when I put my son to bed, we say, "Dear Jesus, Thank you for today." And I truly mean every single word of that. I'm thankful for each second, whether it be laced with stress and worry or bouncing with blessings. I'm grateful for it all. It means I get one more day to become the best me I can be.

Bambino Update!

Bringing you a wonderful Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Christmas deal. 3 blogs for the rock bottom price of ONE!

How far along?  16 Weeks

Total weight gain: Not looking
Maternity clothes? Yes…maternity clothes are in full force. Took all of my regular clothes out of my closet

Sleep: As often as possible
Best moment this week: Thanksgiving without morning sickness. Yum!

Miss Anything? No. Life is so normal that I sometimes forget I am pregnant.

Movement: Yes! Little flutters here and there. So cool to feel movement again.

Food cravings: Nothing in particular

Anything making you queasy or sick: The smell of beer

Gender: Surprise!
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Nothing

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: Movement – I can’t wait to feel you wiggle, jiggle, and dance around in there!

Graham’s Moment of the Week: Graham got a big boy bed this week and we took down the crib in his room, sorted through all of his too small clothes, and rearranged his furniture. It was a lot to take in one day, but we are all adjusting. Graham has also named you Princess and when asked if he wants a baby brother or baby sister...he says (exasperated) "It's a baaaaaaby, Mom."

How far along?  17 Weeks

Total weight gain: Still too scared. You’d think I had packed on 30 lbs by the way everyone looks at me.
Maternity clothes? All in...goodbye buttons!

Sleep: Am I narcoleptic? Getting some energy back.
Best moment this week: Daddy felt movement this week!

Miss Anything? The ability to rest like I did when I was pregnant with G. 2 yr olds don't rest…

Movement: It has to be quiet, I have to be still, but I feel this little miracle!

Food cravings: Olives

Anything making you queasy or sick: Beer and tobacco…the usual

Gender: Surprise!
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: Feeling pretty good!

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! Stressed! Happy!
Looking forward to: Our ultrasound! I love seeing your sweet little self.

Graham Moment this Week: Sometimes I lose track of how funny your very sweet big brother is. He is going to be the BEST big brother…as long as you don’t touch his toys.

How far along?  18 Weeks

Total weight gain: 1.5 lbs - boom! I was terrified to see that number.
Maternity clothes? All in to my stretchy life. I love it now, I’ll hate it in 5 months.

Sleep: Except for the night your brother had a stomach virus, sleep is pretty great.
Best moment this week: Seeing your sweet little self on the ultrasound…especially through Graham’s eyes!

Miss Anything? Pants with shape…all of my pants are too short and too baggy!

Movement: Flutters, kickboxing, rolling

Food cravings: Sweet tooth this week. I love ice cream!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nothing

Gender: Surprise! I considered finding out but we didn't. Or did we? You'll never know!
Labor Signs: No
Symptoms: I have a cough that just won’t go away!

Belly Button in or out? In
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! So Happy! I’m starting to think about planning your nursery and getting excited about everything.
Looking forward to: Getting started on your nursery. I can’t wait to make a space just for you!

Graham Moment this week: I told G we were going to see the baby at the dr’s office…he looked at me, concerned, and said…Mommy, you left your baby at the doctor?!?

PS - I should start taking some bump pics. I am a few weeks behind.