Facebook, are you stalking me? Do you employ drones to hover over my laptop while I browse the web? Is there an app for reading my mind? I'm constantly befuddled by how you know what to put in the advertisements on the right banner of my screen? When I was engaged, you littered my screen with wedding tips, planning tips, and weight loss tips. Upon changing my status to "married" you began shoving "are you pregnant" ads down my throat, housewife how-to's, recipes, house decorating, etc. I'm fairly certain you knew I was pregnant before I did because you switched to the weekly baby updates before I saw 2 pink lines. As I battled morning sickness, you were kind enough to keep food ads away and, instead, raved about the best stroller, crib, toys, and clothes. When we posted the first pics of Gman, there were other cute little curtain climbers that appeared to the right...along with new weight loss ads, breastfeeding info, and diaper coupons. What's next?
Obviously you've forgotten that I'm the stalker here, creep. Stop trying to speak to me while I creep on my friends, old and new. I'd like to silently stalk my non-parent friends, and use my cyber powers to punch my parent friends for the constant flow of pictures, statuses, and bragging about their babies sleeping all night. Maybe you should focus on teaching my baby to sleep instead of birth control law suits, beauty products, and the exact same damn sunglasses I just looked into purchasing for my smallest crib midget. Get out of my brain, Facebook.
See ya on Twitter.
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