Dude, I haven't posted since April 14th...class of 2014, don't be like me.
To the Class of 2014, wow...you made it! I mean, it has only taken you 12 years (13 if you went to mandatory kindergarten...for those that didn't, that explains a lot) It really is about time. You've had at least 13 teachers...probably more, but I never claimed to teach math, and multiply that by infinity <--yea, that many homework assignments. You've had friends, changed friends, switched boyfriends/girlfriends with your friends, and remained friends. Up until this point in your life, you've woken up, gone to school, gone to work, copied done homework, maybe played sports, and had a couple hours minutes of free time here and there. You have the world in the palm of your hands, you can do whatever you set your mind to, and you'll absolutely shit rainbows and sunshine for the rest of your days.
I've told you before - life is about to get real. Really real. I understand that some of you have had some pretty tough times in the past 13 years. Most of you, have not. Please, hold on...because this ride is full of twists, turns, peaks, valleys, and 360 degree loop-ty loops that will knock you flat.
No matter what the future holds for you, promise me the following.
Please, do not drink yourselves dead. Really though - that shit will kill you. I know you are going to drink, get drunk, and wake up with a hangover that will leave you wishing you were dead. Always remember, alcohol can kill you (and allow a lot of other stupid/regrettable things to happen). Party with friends you trust, and if you don't trust them...have sober fun. Trust me.
Drugs are ALWAYS a bad idea. Getting rufied is a real thing. Don't leave your drink unattended and don't let some random mix you a drink without keeping your eye on it. I am not stupid (and I am human), I know you are going to party. Please, party smart.
While we are on the topic of partying and stupidity, DON'T get arrested. Criminal records do not look good on background checks.
Don't be that girl. Living in a dorm my freshman year in college, I knew a lot of "those girls". You know, the ones who like to flirt, lead guys on, and be the center of attention at a frat party. I promise you that someone is going to get the wrong idea and think you actually do want him to walk you home (in college speak, to your bed) and won't take "no" for an answer. Unless you have been working on a pretty tough upper cut - don't be that girl.
Don't be that guy - you know, the douche bag one I mentioned above. It might seem far off, but no one wants to take a one night stand home to meet their mama. Think about that.
Go to class. Honestly, you your parents are paying an arm and a leg (maybe a testicle/ovary) for your college education. Skip every now and then, but go on the regular - even if you are hungover. There are trash cans in classrooms for a reason. It is amazing how the information sticks in your mind to make you answer the one question right you need to pass that mid-term exam. D, however does not equal bachelor's degree.
Do party with your friends (bowling, ice cream, board games, flippy cup, beer pong - whatever your style). Dance in the middle of the dance floor (NOT on a pole) even if no one else will join you. Go places on the weekend...scrape up some pennies and do stuff. Ask your parents for advice. Love yourself. Soak in every single second because it will fly by and rock your face off.
Soon (but not too soon!) your Friday nights will consist of a much messier/chaotic dinner, perfectly timed around an 8:00 bed time routine. While I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, I will save those details for your 5 year reunion speech.
PS - this was meant to be advice that no one else would tell you. That mushy crap, I believe all of that too - you've just heard it enough.
