Impeccable Timing

My son has impeccable timing. He responds with the appropriate animal sounds when we are alone, but refuses to perform in public. He always says bye bye as soon as the door closes. He laughs to be the center of attention in a large crowd and gives me the biggest smiles when I need it most. At the end of a busy long day, when I lay my head on my pillow, I hear his cries in the monitor. Impeccable timing. 

I won't lie, it frustrates me. And then I remember I was busy being a teacher and advisor all day. I wore myself down doing the job I get (paid) for. I didn't get to spend much time with the most important little man in my life. It's only on the busiest days that he uses his impeccable timing to remind me that Mom is my most important title. 

It's easy to get caught up in the stress of life. It's easy to get my priorities mixed up. And it's easy to get them right back in line, with a not so tiny little human, stretched out in my arms, snuggled up on my chest, making it harder to breathe the bigger he gets. Im reminded of one of my favorite books..."I'll like you forever, I'll love you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

Finding a Balance

Seriously, how do women ever have more than one child? Why is it not more socially acceptable to be unemployed or have a part time job? Do you think I could get a few more hours in the day? When did I begin to function in a constant state of exhaustion? And finally, why am I blogging when I could be sleeping?

I'm obviously struggling to find the balance here. And I don't even have to cook, clean, or regularly do my laundry (thanks, Mom!). My iPhone calendar is a constant barrage of dots indicating I have a meeting or an event scheduled. I'm forgetful because I have too much to remember and some times I sit in my office or on the couch in a daze because I don't even know where to begin.

At my age, my mom had 3 children and was supporting my dad while he started a business. Earth to the Super Hero Association, who awards the Wonder Woman medals? I appreciate and admire her more and more each day.

I absolutely love this stage of my life, but I'm struggling to find a balance in my happy place. How do I give 100% to everything? How can I be in multiple places at once? When will "things slow down"? And what do I do with my free time (future blog post)?

I'm open to suggestions and am taking applications for a personal assistant. Please sign up soon, before I lose your application or my sanity.

Signed - a real life, over committed, Mama!

Confidence

^{Confidence: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's cirrcumstances; the quality or state of being certain.}

How many of you can say you are confident according to this definition? What does it take to be confident? How do we boost other's confidence? Wow, 3 pretty loaded questions. I'm not usually this deep on a Sunday evening (insert inappropriate joke here), but I've been on a blogging hiatus so I'm coming back strong. 

Are you confident? What does that even mean? There are many different ways to be confident, feel confident, or look confident. Do you have to be comfortable to be confident? I've always felt like a confident person even when I have insecurities. Just like every other human, my confidence ebbs and flows. On days when my chest puffs out (figuratively, or literally I guess), I'm not afraid of much and I can take criticism and roll with it. Other days, I am one critique away from a sobbing mess. So, what does it take to be confident?

I've recently been discussing self acceptance with my 8th graders and trying to outline what it takes to be a good leader. They would say that a good leader must be confident in front of a crowd. A good leader is the popular kid. While I try to teach them that you don't have to be popular to be a good leader, I question whether my words are authentic. Are all good leaders confident? 

What does it take to be confident? Do you have to feel good about yourself to exude confidence? Do we seem confident if everyone thinks we have it together? Good job, house, spouse, life? Just ask Anthony Weiner or Miley Cyrus and I'm sure you'll get that question answered in a hurry. Sometimes the quiet girl in the back corner is the most sure of herself. Question is, how do we know? And if we're not sure, how do we boost other's confidence?

As a teacher, I'm learning to read students and teens every day. I see them tear each other down and build each other up. I hear them talk about their parents (that deserves another blog post) and to their parents. They're quick to judge, but slow to trust others judgement. I'm amazed at the wonders of their brains. I see one little comment from the popular crowd, completely rip them to shreds while they pretend to laugh it off. All the while, I'm realizing it doesn't stop after one has entered adulthood. Since we all must exist in a world where standards are unattainable, how do we keep each other grounded, but continue to build one another up?

It just takes one person to make your day. What if you made it your mission to compliment 1 person a day. Your hair looks great! Cute outfit, have you lost weight? You are so funny! I've noticed you put a lot of time into that lesson/presentation, I really enjoyed it. I'm certain you'll find it makes your day too. Sure, you can focus on the quiet girl in the corner first, but don't forget about the presenter who's leading the discussion while conquering her fear of speaking in front of a crowd. You know, the one who has sweat running down his back and is squeezing the "clicker" extra hard to hide the nervous shakes. Make sure to tell them you thought it was great. We all need to hear it from time to time.

10 Quick Tips to Breastfeeding

I've been cautious to write this posts because I was terrified I would jinx myself....but I think it's safe to say this chapter is behind us (for now) and I'm ready to share with the world what I've been sharing with one pregnant friend at a time. Enjoy!

10 Quick tips to Breastfeeding

1. First, commit to it. You can do this. Don't give yourself a way out. 

2. After he nurses for the very first time, apply lanolin then and every single time after. 

3. Switch positions every time he nurses. Football, Cradle, cross body. This will help you to not get sore in one spot and will help him be flexible. 

4. Nurse both sides and burp him in between. Example: nurse 15 minutes on right, burp, switch to left and let him nurse to contentment. Next feeding, start on left. This worked really well for me but you'll find your system!

5. Put the Soothies in the refrigerator and apply after lanolin. Heaven. They can only be used for 72 hrs and you have to wipe off the residue before nursing again. 

6. Its perfectly ok to get sore. If he's latching well then just try to ride it out. If you take him off and relatch it's going to hurt all over again. Myth of lactation consultants! 

It's also perfectly ok to cry because it hurts. It will get better, don't give up. 

7.Apply lanolin before showering. That shower water can feel like knives without it. 

8.If he's nursing for 45+ mins, it's ok to give him a pacifier. All he wants is to suck and your nipples will thank you for giving him one. 

9. Lastly, if you've tried everything and it's just not working, it's ok to supplement. You are not a failure and your husband will not "ship you". 

10. Oh and one more, have your husband help you. You've only got two hands and sometimes you'll need four. 

There's a strange bond between nursing women. It makes it ok to talk about nipples, boobs, etc. if you have any questions, just ask! I might not have the answer but it could help just to talk it out. 

Back to School

AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you're not a teacher - and roll your eyes every time you hear a teacher complaining about having to go back to work after being off work all summer - stop reading here. I'll save you the eye roll!

It's that time of year again...you know when reality slaps ya right upside the head?!? You've all experienced it, as a student, parent, or TEACHER. You know what it feels like. The excitement to see the friends you haven't been able to keep in touch with. The dread of having to be in 7 places at one time. The fear of grading homework and writing lesson plans, while actually teaching those wonderful teenagers each day.

"BACK TO SCHOOL, BACK TO SCHOOL, to prove to dad I'm not a fool" - Adam Sandler, please tell me you knew that already!

I've been back at it for 10 days. And let me just tell you...those have been 10 action packed, balls to the walls days. That is, after all, the only way I do things. I started at a new school, with new kids, new staff, new responsibilities, and new adventures. What an awesome, fresh start! Don't get me wrong, I worked with some excellent colleagues and students at my previous job. 

But, then I moved home. HOME! People know me here, they stop in to say hi and ask if I need anything. I get friendly waves and hello's at the Dollar Store, town Mexican restaurant, and gas station. An abundance of folks have offered a helping hand whenever I might need one. It feels so right. My heart is bursting with the feeling of fulfillment. 

My son is literally two minutes down the road. TWO MINUTES. Refer to Hard Days if you're not sure why I am so excited about this minor fact. I can spontaneously have dinner with my 83 yr old Grandma and her OLDER sister. I've got back-up child care if I'm running late at school and my husband and I can actually go on DATES...overnight ones...more to come!

I'm not bragging. I hope if you don't live at home, this doesn't tug your heart strings. I appreciate living close because I've been away. I've found my purpose, my happy place. Have you found yours? 

Pay it Forward

Not quite a year ago, I picked Gman up from one of his very first days trying out his new daycare. As I was heading out to the car - flustered, as a new mom typically is...I noticed a $5 bill floating along on the sidewalk. I knew this was NOT my money and would soon blow away into the nearby cornfields, but I had already snapped him into his carseat base and could not go back inside to take the money in. I wrestled with whether or not I should take it, decided it would be picked up by a bird if I didn't, and then felt terrible ALL. THE. WAY. HOME. after I claimed it. I folded it into my wallet and considered myself guilty of Grand Theft Auto for at least 24 hours. That guilt was almost immediately forgotten when I realized my baby needed fed, burped, changed, rocked to sleep, fed, burped, changed, bathed and I also needed to do all of those things for myself. 

Fast forward a couple months...On my way to torture work, in the McD's drive-thru (because every new mom deserves McD's for breakfast, right?), majorly sleep deprived, and missing my baby like crazy. I think it was a Monday morning which made it even WORSE than usual. I noticed the person pulling in behind me was driving an older, used and abused vehicle, and had a scowl on their face that could match mine. That famed $5 bill reappeared in my wallet and I decided to pay it forward. I used the money to buy her breakfast. It wasn't my money to begin with and it filled my heart with so much joy seeing the smile on her face in my rear view mirror. Literally turned my whole week around. Simple things in life.

Since then, I've tried to buy for the person behind me at least 1 of every 3-4 times I'm in the drive-thru (the frequency of my drive-thru visits has been drastically reduced). I also look for other ways to "pay it forward" when it appears that someone is having a bad day. Holding open the door, an innocent smile, returning their cart to the cart corral, etc. Now, I'm no saint - and certainly don't need any recognition. There are others who do WAY more than I ever thought of. BUT - it's important to be reminded sometimes that small gestures make BIG differences.

What can you do to brighten someone's day? What small, unexpected gesture would you appreciate someone doing for you? I can't wait to hear how YOU are making a difference!

Healthy Choices

I love Food. I've always Loved Food. I will always love Food. While I love the art of Eating (yea, I said it was an art), I love the feeling of sitting down to a meal with my friends or family even more. It is how I was raised, we got together and shared meals on special occasions and most of our best conversations happened around the dinner table (I'll write about that another day). I'm proud of my love for food. You know when the host of a gathering tells everyone to get in the buffet line?...I lead the way. Boom - fill my plate and dive in.

Here's what I don't love about eating...the accumulation of pounds that inevitably falls in my midsection when I over indulge myself. It is something I have and will always struggle with...how to enjoy food and be skinny. I'm not one of those girls that is going to cry the blues about my weight bouncing up and down my whole life and turn this in to a "get skinny blog". I like to read those, but am nowhere near qualified to write one! I didn't get bullied for being a fat kid, I woulda knocked those bitches out. I'm just saying that making healthy choices is a struggle sometimes. Because of this, I try to offer the HEALTHIEST choices I can for my son. My parents instilled good, healthy habits in my life from the get go. I appreciate that very much. I fall off the wagon sometimes and I'm positive as he grows up, he will too.

Let's get down to the Nitty Gritty - people judge me all the time for offering healthy options to my son. Aw, poor little guy can't have ice cream for dinner? No syrup on his waffle at breakfast? He's almost ONE year old and he's never eaten an entire birthday cake before? Are you Nursing? You're still Nursing?!? What's that?...Avocado?...Gerber doesn't make that!

I'm not deaf, folks - I hear those "under your breath, she won't hear me" comments also. Yes, my red headed kid needs to wear sunscreen, and no he can't put unknown substances in his mouth. And what is it that makes YOU qualified to judge ME on these choices? After all, I am his MOM who just wants the absolute BEST for our son. I make mistakes - I'm not perfect, but I damn sure try my hardest to parent him with an open mind. After all, I've seen formula fed babies have a healthy streak longer than we could even dream of and a 1 yr old straight up OWN a peanut butter sandwich. These babies belong to my best friends and I 100% support their parenting style.

If you were me, how would you do it different? Hot Dogs and Mac N Cheese for dinner every night with M&M's for dessert? Excuse me while I train my toddler how to use the treadmill...obviously kidding here

Birthday Bonanza

Sorry I've been as emotional as a middle school girl lately. I promise to lock that shit up and stay positive from here on out (unrealistic expectation). Here's a look inside my little man's birthday party!

I've been planning my Gman's birthday party for a few months now. I love parties and when I grow up, I want to be a party planner. Or run a cafe/cupcake shop. Or be a rockstar. Hey, we dream big up in he-ah!

 I try not to over-do it, but sometimes I lose control. My husband's only request when I tell him I am planning a "gathering" is always, "Don't go crazy". He knows me too well. I come from a rather large family so I knew we would be expecting 40-50 people. Sounds outrageous to most, but pretty normal to me. I spent many hours on Pinterest trying to come up with a super creative "Theme"...Then I realized we were moving and I needed something Cute and Simple. My gracious sister in law offered her left over decorations from my nephew's bday party and from there, Cookie Monster came alive! 

We kept the Birthday Boy's Buffet simple: Hamburgers/Hot Dogs, Mama's Mac N' Cheese, Perfect (Spicy) Baked Beans, Fruit/Veggie Trays, Kristen's Apple Salad, and DIY Cookies.

Totally stole those veggie/fruit platter ideas from Pinterest. Too cute to resist and super easy to put together. The only draw back was that no one would touch them. I had to practically mess each one of them up just to get people to load up on their fruits and vegetables. I meant to get a picture of the Decorate Your Own Cookie Bar, complete with sugar cookies, blue/white icing, and sprinkles...but those things were gobbled up in NO TIME! Note to self, make order more cookies next time.

The weather couldn't have been more perfect. It wasn't too hot and we practically spent all day outside. I spent a good few hours the morning of his party filling water balloons for the bigger kids. I even cutely arranged them in the shape of the number 1. About an hour before his party, I decided to sneak outside to snap a photo of my creation only to find that every. single. last. one of them had popped. I can't make this up. There were no. none. zilch. zero water balloons still intact. I'm kind of bitter...can you tell?!?

So, we picked up the balloon pieces, filled that sucker with water and it took approximately .0009876 seconds for the party to start. The kids had so. much. fun. I was a little jealous as the host and all that I couldn't play too. Some friends saved the day with a sprinkler and the boys ran, jumped, and played their little hearts out all day. 

G was graciously showered with many gifts and we can't wait to unpack them so he can start playing with them. We decided it wasn't very practical to open them all up just to pack them the following day. I didn't get any more photos of decor or the goodie bags which were filled with a variety of things and tied off with a balloon for each little guy (and one precious 2 week old niece of mine) to take home. Squirt guns, play dough, finger paint, piggy paint, and bubbles were sent home with each of G's guests to make respective messes in their own homes. Score!

Kid and his dad even have the same facial expressions. Maybe I'll get a daughter that is JUST like me, someday...

We tried!

I couldn't have done this birthday party weekend without the help of my MOM, husband, dad, Kristen, and countless others that helped clean up in preparation for the Open House we were having the following day. Yea, we're crazy!

Headed West

It's 10:54...I've been running balls to the walls since last Thursday...and I can't sleep. My head is spinning. That's an understatement. I'm going to be real with you guys - I have such mixed emotion about this big move. Tonight, I had dinner with my best friend which was typical for a Tuesday night. Or any night really...we chatted like nothing was going to change...all the while, the knot in my stomach grew bigger. Fun Fact about me - I'm a crier when I'm pissed off, but when I'm sad I just shut down. My stomach turns in knots, and I get the same glazed over look on my face. Every single time I wish I wasn't so cold hearted and could cry tears. And then, when it's 10:54 pm, I cry.

She and I were pregnant together, helped decorate our boys' nurseries, planned each others showers, supported one another during birth, and the first 6 weeks of the terrifying reality of taking care of another human being. We run errands, go to Sam's Club, the outlet mall, and Ikea together. We do all this among dinner dates, girl's nights, movie trips, and play dates. I know that no matter how many miles are between us we have a bond that will allow us to continue our friendship until we're old and new friends each time we talk thanks to senility. I just can't help but be sad that I can't call her to come over when I need to know which paint color to use, meet her for dinner at the last minute because I've had a crappy day, or crash her house for play dates without planning at least a few days ahead. I think Verizon will reconsider the term "unlimited minutes" on my phone plan.

The thought of going "home" is comforting. I know the town, its familiar. But it hasn't been "home" to me for 7 years. And in those 7 years things have changed. My circle of friends made new memories without me - I'm on the outside of the circle no matter what they say. My family isn't used to having us around and have an established familiar routine amongst themselves and their friends. It'll take a while to become a part of the "routine".

While there were a lot of things I didn't particularly love about my job - there were great people and great students. I enjoyed my "lunch bunch" and comfort of seeing the same, kind, supportive faces each day. Now, I'm the new girl again. New students who don't know me. New "lunch bunches" to try to fit in to. New routine, New responsibilities, New Expectations, New Stress.

And my house - it holds such a special place in my heart. Driving away from here might be the cause of a long overdue break down. The recent Sealy Commercial, "Life Before your Eyes" is just the tip of the iceberg of how I feel about this place. It's our first home. We bought it together. It has seen the good, the bad, the ugly, and New year's Eve. We've slammed doors, only to be shortly followed by making up. We've grown as a couple, as individuals. We grew as a family and, now, it holds the memories of bringing our son home and into his first room. It's housed many sleepless nights, cries, laughs, and more joy than should possibly fit within 4 walls.

Deep down, I know this is the right thing. But, it's a hell of a lot harder than I imagined the "right thing" being. It hasn't been an easy transition and I know that while we wait for our house to sell and move into my parent's home, there will be more struggles to come. "The struggles make ya stronger"...and I'm sure one day I will look back and remember this as an exciting and joyful time. We're so very grateful for this opportunity and the blessing of our new jobs, my parent's offer to accept us into their home, and the continuous support of our friends and family. Bittersweet, incredibly bittersweet.

It's time to look forward, not behind. What is it that might be keeping you from looking ahead?

10, 11, 12!

I'm a little late, but who's counting right?!?

10 Months - Hard Days

You are becoming such a little man! Between teething, traveling, separation anxiety, and ear infections we had a stressful month. Mama can’t seem to keep you healthy and each time you get a tooth we get an ear infection, fever, and overall ball of tears for a few days. This month we learned that you are indeed allergic to penicillin as it gave you a nasty rash that resembled hives. You officially have 4 teeth, have learned to climb the stairs (eek!), and are very interested in walking from one thing to another. You love table food and any time someone eats, you think you should be eating too! Your favorites are grapes, tomatoes, grilled cheese, rice, and arrowroot cookies! When you were about 9 months and 1.5 weeks, you began refusing a bottle during the day and you haven’t had one since. You refuse to drink from anything but a sippy cup and demand to nurse any time Mama is around. You light up when Mama picks you up from daycare (dropping off is a completely different story!) and Daddy gets home from work. You love your cat, Sheila, and enjoy watching Daddy mow the yard through the screen door. You officially said Uh-Oh this month and it is now a favorite word. You’re still a huge fan of bath time and started sleeping better this month (for the most part). We even got 1 FULL night without interruption. Mama can’t wait to be done with school and spend more time you. 

 11 Months - Summer Nights



Mama finally has freedom and you can finally be on your own schedule! You are sleeping better, eating better, and are overall happier being on your own schedule! I’ve caught you standing on your own a couple of times and the rest of the time you are wreaking havoc on our home! You love to play with everything EXCEPT your toys…bathroom cabinets, drawers, Tupperware, pans and lids, spoons, and anything you can push around. I can’t believe you are 11 months old. You love to give Mama kisses, go for stroller rides while Mama jogs, and thoroughly enjoy being the center of attention. You are the center of our universe and we wouldn’t have it any other way! You and Daddy have a pretty special bond. You get excited when he gets home and love to play with him all evening. Drum roll please…you finally say Ma-Ma! You went swimming for the first time and LOVED it! I see a lot of pool time in our future! 

First College Visit - Baby Genius

Month 12 - Totally Toddler

How is it even remotely possible that 365 days have passed since the first moment I held you in my arms? As we prepared for your first birthday and party I found myself being incredibly nostalgic. We’re going through a big change by moving and changing jobs, but as your mama and dada we can’t imagine our life without you. I’ve reflected on so many nights in the past year and can’t help to feel emotional that it went so fast and excited for the next day, month, and year with you! You took your first steps on 6/29 and typically appear like a drunken sailor when you’re trying to walk. Hilarious! You love table food, refuse to be fed, sleep 12 hours each night (with 1 wake-up) and take a 2 hour nap during the day. Your birthday party was a huge success and you loved all of the attention. Surprisingly, you didn’t polish off the entire birthday cake since you eat adult sized meals 3 times a day with a couple of snacks in between. I think I should go ahead and get a second job to afford to feed your teenage self!

 

Happy Birthday, Graham!

Crawling into 7, 8 & 9

Kid is on the move and our lives haven't slowed down since! Cheers to burning extra calories, chasing Little Man around.

Month 7 - Army Crawler

Mama Confessions – you are growing way too fast! This month you mastered the art of speed army crawling. You aren’t much interested in actually crawling on your hands and knees because army crawling is so much faster. You get SO excited for bath time and now that you can sit up and crawl, you get the full bath experience. As soon as we swing open the bathroom door (it has to remain closed or you sneak in there) you motor across the living room for bath time! Precious. You also have your first tooth, much to Mama’s surprise! You teethed like a champ the first time around and that little pearly white popped up without warning. Since that tooth came along, biting is becoming a frequent occurrence. You bite Mama and she yells, you laugh. Headed to another cow show this month. You’re taking these like a pro and I’m grateful because it is what we love to do. You grow so much each and every day. You like to eat, but still love to nurse. You’re up to 3 meals a day and take 5 6 oz bottles. This month you had croup. We can’t wait for warm, germ free weather!

 So Much Snow - he just wants to play in it!

 Month 8 - Mover and a Shaker!

Officially on the MOVE! You’re up on all fours, crawling wherever you can manage to squeeze your little self through. You love to crawl all over Mama and Daddy and you think Daddy is particularly funny these days. We have video to prove that your belly laugh is the sweetest sound on the planet. You have been thinking about sleeping all night, but just can’t commit. Some nights we can make it to 4 or 5 in the morning without waking, but not every night. You really love to eat sweet potatoes, pears, peaches, apples, bananas, carrots, parsnips, plums, mango, and anything that is NOT green. Mama made you spinach this month and you HATE it. If it is disguised in mango, it’s doable until you outsmart me and then Mama gets more spinach on her face than you get in your mouth. You are still in 9 month clothes, but we are pushing the seams in some things. You’ll be in 12 month so soon! We’ve had some nice weather and you love to be outside. You’re going to have a fair complexion so we will have to grease you up in sunscreen when we start swimming. I think you will love to swim! Next month, you’re going on an airplane! To Florida!

Photo Courtesy of Aunt Jill, Instagram - FUN babysitter award!

Month 9 - Wild Man

Pull up, sit down, crawl around, pull up, sit down, crawl around, repeat. Welcome to our lives! You love to move and shake whenever you get a chance. You pull up on anything that appears sturdy. You crash and burn just to go right back at it. We vacationed this month to see Great Grandpa and Grandma Hill and Great Aunt Heidi. We took Grammy, Great Aunt Jackie, Katie, and Will. You and Will were so good on the airplane! Sleeping, not so much. It was a quick trip, but we had a great time. You love to try pieces of food cut up into tiny little bites and you are so independent! You’d much rather feed yourself than be fed and love to scream at the top of your lungs in your high chair. Chasing the dog is a favorite past time, but he still isn’t a big fan. You are Mr. Destructible and can clear tables, shelves, and an entire room in no time. Loading/Unloading the dishwasher is such an entertaining challenge. You love to position yourself on the dishwasher door and take out everything Mama puts in. Your favorite sounds are da-da-da, ba-ba-ba, ga-ga-ga, and you save ma-ma-ma for special hours of the day … Midnight to 4 am. Stats: 21 lbs 6 oz and 29” long!

 One of my Faves - he's smiling at His Dada