As a teen, young adult, and newlywed I was completely guilty of seeing Motherhood as a glamorous "occupation". I loved the idea of toting a baby on my hip, dressing him/her cute, taking him/her to the zoo, the mall, and Disney World. With this picture in my head, how could I not want to get pregnant, pop out a baby, and get this party started?!?
Well - it's not all rainbows and sunshine folks! It's not glamorous! It's not all dress up, day trips, and sure as hell doesn't look like the photographs you see in picture frames. It's harder than anything I've ever done and I'm not even to the Terrible Two's. Before you start thinking that I'm selfish and don't deserve the privilege of being called, "Mama" let me clarify why I'm writing about this.
I researched, read, and poured over all of the information I could get my hands on before G was born. I read reviews on each and every single thing we registered for and purchased. I wasn't about to make an uneducated decision. I committed to breastfeeding, making homemade baby food, sticking to a routine, and trying my damndest to keep my kid happy and healthy.
And then, he started daycare and the germs started rolling in (literally). He's been sick every 2-4-6 weeks since October. We've had RSV, bronchitis, upper respiratory infections, ear infections, stomach viruses, and croup to name a few. Let's not forget the common cold, teeth, and undiagnosed fussy days. The day I went back to work, he quit sleeping through the night and hasn't consistently done it since. We've tried medicine, solid food, change of routine, hot, cold, dark, light, loud, quiet, vaporizer, no vaporizer, swaddled, unswaddled, sleep sack, blanket, fleece sleeper, cotton sleeper...I could go on for days.
This week, he was diagnosed with yet another ear infection due to teething. I ran out of sick days on Monday and took my first unpaid day on Tuesday. Secretly, I love staying home and taking care of my little man. It's hard, he cries, we don't sleep, but I'm his Mama and it's my job to take care of him. Unfortunately, I have another job...one that gives me a paycheck. So, with a fever free baby strapped in the car we headed off to daycare this morning so I could go to work and prepare my students for finals. 20 minutes in to my 45 minute commute, they called...I could hear the cries before she ever even told me who she was and I knew it was my baby who was wailing in the background. Worst. Feeling. Ever. She called to tell me he had developed a rash all over his torso and he was inconsolable. I was faced with Choices. You see, my number 1 priority is my son. However, I have an obligation to my students, my job. So, with tears running down my cheeks, I kept heading south and started to problem solve. Could my husband go get him? Nope, contractors at work - couldn't leave. Could I take him to school? Nope against the rules. Can anyone help me out here? Nope, family lives too far away. So, I kept crying and kept driving. Got to school to face my students with my tears and try to help them understand that I want to teach them, but being a Mama comes first. I won't get paid again today, but I'm not sure that is the hardest pill to swallow. The hard part is the hour it was going to take me to get back to him. I scribbled down some sub plans (not even sure you could call them that) and headed North. I tried not to break the law, but speeding limits didn't feel too important.
The good news is that it turned out to be a drug rash, the dr calmed my fears and answered all my questions. He noted that we shouldn't prescribe penicillin compounds anymore and had my baby smiling/laughing by the end of the appointment.
Please understand that I know it could be so much worse. I'm grateful every single day for the incredibly blessed life that I live. My son is healthy (no major illnesses), I've got a roof over my head (pretty darn nice one too!), an incredible family, great friends, and when I'm not home, I get to spend the day with some pretty great kids (most of them anyway!). I'm just saying it ain't easy, but the crazy part is...It's so worth it. I'm now 100% certain that during childbirth, you're implanted with some sort of device that makes you want to be the best you can be for your little one(s). Maybe we could arrange for a complimentary tummy tuck and extra set of hands the next time.
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